Really?

That is not right.

Missing

When I got home from school yesterday I noticed Junior wasn't around and wasn't in the house.  Not a big deal - he was probably staying cool in the next door neighbor's shrubs, but normally he would come out when I pull in the drive.  But later as we left to go to dinner and a ballgame with friends, he still wasn't around.  Kind of odd, since it was close to his dinner time.

Still, he is a cat and cats do things according to their plans.  We go to dinner and the game, and I start texting Addison to see if he's shown up.  I know something's wrong when hours later he still isn't home.  Junior doesn't prowl far from home.  He usually won't go further than halfway down the driveway and certainly no further than one house over.  And we'd figured out that no one had seen him since the morning.

We ended up going home a little early from the game, because I was really starting to worry about this mean brat of a cat that I love.

Addison and Jeffrey and Alan and I get flashlights and start searching.  He's nowhere.  We knock on neighbors' doors asking if they've seen him.  I'm getting close to tears when I decide to check unusual places in the house while the others search outside.  The cabinets.  I hadn't checked the cabinets.  I start in the kitchen and then check the hallway bathroom.  And there in the linen closet is one hungry but happy cat.  Addison remembers closing the cabinet door early that morning and no one had opened it since.

I showered him with hugs and kisses that he, of course, smugly turned away from.  But that told me that everything was back as it should be.

Signs of Aggression

Junior has a follow-up at the vet tomorrow for what we hope is the third and final visit in the past two weeks.  $400 later, we're hoping for a clean bill of health.  $400 is a hard pill to swallow considering the abuse we take from this cat, but he's ours and our responsibility.  I've talked a lot about the abuse, but here are the aggressive behaviors that warrant such abuse:

Putting socks and shoes on.  Unacceptable.
Using a hair dryer.  The nerve.
Sitting in his computer chair.
Petting him longer than approved.
Doing a manicure/pedicure.
Brushing one's teeth.
Sleeping.
Walking.
Breathing.

I think that covers it.

About my cat...

I knew Junior was one tough hombre, but I didn't realize how tough until our recent vet visit.  He'd been having some bathroom issues, and it was time to do the unthinkable and take him to the vet.  It has to be pretty serious before we take him, both because it's hard on him and the vet staff.  Turns out this cat has been in extreme pain, peeing "crystals" of urine.  The vet says in his 20 years of practice, it's the worst case of urine crystallization he's ever seen.  He said he doesn't know how Junior's withstood the pain and has probably been wishing his penis would fall off.

So the treatment is bottled water for the rest of his life and canned cat food - prescription cat food for now.  Junior hates canned food, so I guess we'll see how hungry he gets.  And I get to give him a dropper of antibiotics for the next several days.  That's always fun.  He's been confined to the garage to keep any accidents from happening in the house as well as keeping him from going outside and getting his boy part dirty.

He's pretty tired of the garage, although Alan has taken every measure to make it comfortable.  So Alan went out there earlier to "visit" Junior and coax him into eating the cat food.  Here's what Junior thought of his visit:

He's such a brat, but he's my little brat.  :-)

Peace

A rare moment when all the animals are napping together rather than chasing each other:

His softer side

If I didn't know any better, I'd say Junior likes another fellow animal.  Another living being, for that matter.

(Excuse Betsey's diaper.  She's having some girl issues.)

Junior the Ripper

Some days I just don't know what to do with him.



Not because he's big, fat, lazy, and won't get out of my computer chair, but because he's so flippin' mean. The slice on the back of my leg from a week or so ago is close to healing, and then last night I'm attacked leaving a 3-inch cut complete with a couple puncture wounds. I was standing out at recess today (in a skirt) when a student from last year walked up behind me and said, "Mrs. Schaeffer - did your cat do that?" She remembers how often I'd come to school with my battle scars. And then there's the bites on my arm from a couple weeks ago.

Sometimes I wish I could know what he is thinking.



I get some satisfaction with the addition of Betsey to our household. She pesters Junior as much as Duke does, which somehow helps even things out. And then there are those moments I relish when I can make a fool of him, like the humiliation seen here post-bath:



I know he's with us until he dies, but there are days I fantasize about how that will happen.

The Chair

While we were in the no carpet/bare concrete floor stage, Junior decided that a hard cold floor was not suitable for His Highness. He decided the leather computer chair was his new domain. Now that carpet is back and oh-so much cozier than what we had before, I've been waiting for him to find his spot back on the floor where he belongs. Because fun as it is to remove a biting, growling, pissed-off cat every time I need the computer chair, this is getting old:

We call this his "Bugs Bunny Toe"

"Wild" Morning

We're having a rough go of it lately with our pets. Just looking out the backdoor window, I see two handsaws dragged out into the yard, a plastic container of what was probably fertilizer or weed killer (some kind of poison, I'm sure), and the water hose wrapped 4 times around the tree. The rest of the hose is in bite-size pieces throughout the yard. And that's Duke's handiwork just TODAY.

I don't think he made a good impression while Leigh, my father-in-law, was visiting either. Leigh was staying in the guest house out back, the little house with a door that doesn't always stay closed during a strong wind storm. Duke discovered that if he ran full speed towards the door, he could easily knock it open. And open it he did, and took it upon himself to drag many of my father-in-law's belongings out into the yard. Not all of the items survived, if you know what I mean.

And then there's the latest episode with Junior, that I'm still a little shocked by. Everyone knows he's mean and bites and stalks and attacks one or all of us every single day. I woke up this morning and turned on the TV to just lay in bed for a while. Junior walked up wanting to be petted, which I obliged KNOWING I shouldn't. I don't let him do this, but for some reason this morning I decided to be generous. I only petted him a few seconds before realizing I should just push him off, so I raised my hand to push him away...and in a split second he attacked me, biting my face in three places. It was so sudden I didn't have time to get him off of me quickly enough.

Once I did though, well...let's just say I got him to leave the room. The mirror revealed 6 punctures and enough blood to piss me off a little more. I felt pretty stupid letting him come near me like that, so I don't blame the cat. I still make the claim that he's a feral cat, and that we'll basically be living with a semi-wild animal under our roof until something "unfortunate" happens. Okay, I'm just kidding with that little bit of sarcasm...I'm not going to do anything to him. And I'm not scared of my cat at all, just still reeling from what happened this morning. Mostly I think it pissed me off because I'm vain, and I had to go to school looking like I had a major breakout. I thought about taking a picture and posting it, but like I said - I'm vain.

Anyway, what do you do? I know if I had a small child and the cat did this to him/her, I'd probably feel obligated to get rid of it. I think what bothers me is that we're taking care of an animal that no one else would have, and it's just kind of weird when they turn on you. So add one more story to the list of Junior stories. I sure hope Duke never bites my face, because I'm likely to lose half of it if he does.

Domestic Violence

Every bite Junior gets from another animal he fully deserves, I'm sure. But what he doesn't know is that those bites are expensive. The last time he was bitten ended in a $250 vet visit by the time all was said and done. For most pets, it probably would have been a third that much. But with Junior, it requires sedation due to his "demeanor." To translate, that means he's an asshole.

So this time we're a little wiser. Alan called the vet and explained what was going on. They remember Junior. They were more than happy to provide us with all the medications we'd need to take care of the problem AT HOME. So here we go again - oral meds twice a day to a cat who aspires to stalk, attack, and draw blood on his victims (that would be us) about every other day. On top of that, we get to insert ointment into his abscessed wound. Good times!

And regardless of the fighting and hissing and dodging of razor sharp fangs, we'll do whatever it takes to keep him around. I love my Junior Lou.

Please don't see me, please don't see me!

Poor Junior. Sometimes he just needs to get away.

Nicknames

We have pet names, for our pets. Lots of names. Does that make us obsessed with our pets, or does everyone do this? Please say someone else does this.

For Junior:

Junior Lou
Mr. Lou
Mister
Satan
Big Sweet Kitty
Tubby
and when I'm tired of being attacked, Whorebag

Duke's only been with us a few short weeks and has already accumulated quite a few:

Dukester
Dukie
Dukies
Duuuuuuuuke
Duke-a-licious
Retard

It's probably good they don't know what we're saying.

Playmates?

Several people have asked how Junior and Duke are getting along, or rather how Junior is reacting to us bringing a large crazy puppy into his domain. This pretty much sums it up:



Duke thinks Junior is awesome. Junior thinks Duke is another target.

Aaaawww...

Hard to believe that this rotund, often grouchy and sometimes vicious cat...

...was once this sweet little kitten:

I found Junior's kitten pictures while going through some old CDs today. I took this when he was a few weeks old, before I had a digital camera, and when I was still retarded when it came to taking pictures.

When we first found Junior at around ten days old, I was taking classes at UTPB and had to drive home most days between classes to bottle feed him. We also had to teach him to go pee and poop, but that's another story. Anyway, one day I came home and couldn't find him. He couldn't walk yet and his crawling skills weren't great, so imagine how confused I was when he was missing. Finally I found him ON THE COUCH curled up underneath a pillow. I can just picture those tiny, razor-sharp claws digging into our couch as he climbed all the way up.

He'll be four years old this summer, but we have enough "Junior" stories to fill a decade. Many of those stories leave people wondering why we allow him to live with us! But if you had been there from the beginning, when he fit in the palm of your hand, and when he was bottle-fed and burped like a baby, you might be hooked like we are. And you'll probably never see it for yourself, but he really does have a sweet side. :-)

Hide and seek

If you have a cat and a suitcase, then I'd bet money the two have met. Cats love suitcases and dresser drawers.



When we get home from a trip, we leave the suitcase out for a couple of days so that Junior can play in it.

If I remember correctly, it was Alan who found him and wanted to keep him.

I spent several months looking for a new dining table and chairs. I sold the old set on Craig's List back in October or November and started looking for a replacement that I could keep for many years. I quickly found the table, but it took longer to find the perfect chairs. Several weeks ago I found these gorgeous chocolate leather chairs from Overstock.com, and then a couple weeks later found the two rust-colored leather end chairs from Pier One. So basically I bought the whole set piecemeal, but it turned out really pretty and somewhat eclectic....just what I wanted.

I owned the previous set for about 13 years. It was so outdated - purchased when "country" was still the rage. This new set is anything but country!

So...imagine my dismay when 5 days after bringing home the end chairs and thus finishing the set, I discover this:

Yeah. Those are teeth marks. Anyone want a cat?

As Seen on TV

We own this one piece of furniture that causes much concern (if not fear!) and cursing each time we have to move it. It's an armoire, about a hundred years old, with dangerously wobbly legs that twist and pinch any time it's moved. But this piece is our only antique and really quite pretty, and therefore worth the trouble. We've been wanting to move it into the guest bedroom for quite some time, and Alan recently had the idea of getting the Forearm Forklift. Have you seen those silly commercials where they stop people in the middle of a mall and ask them to move a refrigerator across the floor by strapping on the "Forklift?"

Well listen up my TV-watching America - that thing is awesome! We bought the forklift and as soon as we got home started moving the armoire with ease.

Little did we know that despite how easy it was, we needed additional help:

Lots of help.

And still more help.

Ah-ha!

I'm annoyed at how grainy and blurry this video is, because my camera keeps focusing and unfocusing...is there some setting I don't know about? Anyway, I finally captured Junior playing his favorite game involving a hair-tie (or in this case a headband), in which he hides it, finds it, hides it, finds it, etc. He can go on like this forever, hiding it and then acting so surprised and proud that he was able to find it and get it back out from underneath the rug.

Bed warmer

Imagine this at the foot of your bed every night. We might as well get a Labrador.