Wednesday, March 03, 2010

Guessing this isn't what God had in mind.

I'm well aware that I'm not doing Lent correctly. I gave up three things for these forty days, or isn't it really 46 including Sundays? Anyway, I gave up chips of any kind, french fries, and snacking after dinner. Notice a trend here? I'm giving up things that I shouldn't be eating anyway and by giving up will possibly benefit me with a couple of lost pounds. It's all me, me, me. And then I happened upon this religious/educational show one morning early that reminded me of how poorly I'm going about this.

Today's participants usually do one or all of three things: 1) give something up, 2) add something positive (prayer perhaps), and 3) almsgiving. I didn't know what almsgiving was exactly, which is quite telling of my charitable nature.

So I've got two out of three in the works, but that third one's not my specialty. Does it have to be charitable towards people? Because I'd really rather go volunteer at the SPCA. Uh-oh...there's goes that "me" business again.

I'm not having trouble with the first one, so I think that defeats the purpose. The second one - well I am praying a whole lot more, but since I have REALLY MAJOR issues and CONFUSION around how prayer works...well let's just say I don't think my heart is in it the way it should be. I have never, ever been able to reconcile prayer in an acceptable, meaningful manner. Here's what I've recently decided due to life's events: do not pray for action, healing, guidance. Rather, pray for forgiveness, thanksgiving, and simply to talk to and therefore have a relationship with God.

That's where I'm at in my journey through Lent. I'm trying.

And since I gave up blogging for so long that now no one really looks at this, I realize I'm pretty much talking to myself. And that's okay right now. I just need to talk.


Craig and Elizabeth said...

I'm still here, you are in my google reader!! I struggle with Lent as well. I've tried this year instead of giving something up to do something to improve myself and make me a more loving person. I'm not doing too great thus far, at least not as good as I would like.

I have an easier time giving money away, but I seldom get my hands dirty and give my time. I guess all we can do is our best and keep trying to improve.

Brandi said...

We didn't stop reading, I stopped blogging too but I didn't stop checking in on my friend Tanya. I'm glad that you're working on that journey-- it's a rough one and I am still having trouble myself. I'm just glad to hear that you're still on it, that's all that matters. :) Call if you need a friend I live pretty close by. :)

Naomi said...

i read it all the time and my face lights up when i see a new entry!! welcome back!!!!