My dream world

My dreams lately are exhausting.  I wake up frustrated or annoyed and don't really need another factor that keeps me from sleeping well.  They're also recurring, the same theme almost every night.  Alan's become accustomed to me describing my dreams each morning.  This has been going on for two to three weeks.

So the basic theme is that I can't get where I'm supposed to be going.  I've had a few where I'm starting a new job and am having trouble getting around the building.  I'm trying to take the elevator to my floor, but I can't find the right elevator or corridor, or someone sends me in the wrong direction.  Last night some aliens, like those from Halo, were invading the building and blocking the elevators! 

Or I'm traveling and trying to catch a flight or a connecting flight.  Can't get to the gate or figure out where I'm supposed to sit.  Twice now I've dreamed that someone points me in a direction that ends up being a major construction area outside of the airport, with rubble and barriers, and it's completely deserted.

Or I'm teaching a class and can't find the class, or with a slightly different angle, can't find the supplies, lesson plans, etc. to teach the class. Or the classroom is dark, and I can't get the lights to work, geez.  It's a little different but kind of similar to the test dreams I used to have, where I have an important exam but am running late or forgot to study or can't find the room and ultimately blow the test.

I've often heard that what seems like the literal translation of a dream is not always the case.  But this does appear fairly straightfoward.  I'm not sure where I'm going.  And even if I sort of think I know where I'm supposed to be, I'm not prepared when I get there.

I definitely don't have a true sense of purpose right now.  I'm not working, and sometimes I feel a little self-conscious about that.  Alan and I are content with how things are, but I wrestle with it daily.   

And then again all these dreams could have to do with one specific thing.  It was three weeks ago that I found out Bailey is expecting.  I can say with certainty that I wasn't and still am not fully prepared for that and have no idea what the future holds.  And strangely, in at least two of these dreams, I've been holding someone's baby.  So weird!  Maybe after a while when Bailey has some plans in place, and I'm not worrying as much (although I think we're doing a good job handling this!), these dreams will subside...

Okay this song has nothing to do with dreams, but often when I can't sleep I think of an old James Taylor song "Sleep Come Free Me."  I don't know how to embed it correctly into Blogger, so go YouTube it.  Kind of dreary, but good.

My hair is no virgin

I almost treated my hair with an at-home keratin smoothing kit designed for people like me who long for naturally straight and smooth hair, until I read the warnings inside the package.  It stated not to use if you have EVER highlighted, bleached, permed, chemically straightened, etc., etc. your hair.  EVER!  So I called the company to confirm that since I permed my hair in the 80s (along with all the other girls wanting those big curly locks), and straightened my hair maybe 12-15 years ago, should I not use their product?  Were they really serious about the "EVER" part?

Yes, they were serious and said not to use their product.  I'm wondering how successful their product is going to be, when almost every female I know has treated their hair with at least one of the above methods.  Just thought it was weird.

Wee bit of news

In my last post I made reference to being a grandmother someday, having no idea that someday is only months away.  A few hours after posting, I got a call from Bailey with the news. 

Things haven't often turned out the way I had wished for the girls.  But that was my agenda.  I think most parents dream of an order to things, of happy events and thoroughly planned milestones in their kids' lives, so I don't think it makes me too judgmental or snobbish to have hoped for life to turn out differently so far.  But babies become kids and kids become young adults with their own agenda and own lives, and you just have to trust that everything works out.  Not the way you want, but in a way that ultimately makes them happy, healthy, independent, and wiser from their own experiences.  I'm well aware that my own choices and decisions are a big factor in how their lives have played out, and that doesn't lend itself to peaceful nights of sleep.  Again, there goes my agenda creeping in.

So I guess it would be wise to ask for prayers or positive thoughts for Bailey and the challenges she may encounter as she figures things out.  But she seems pretty happy about this, and we'll all be super happy come October when we have a new family member.  A very tiny, peach fuzzy, baby lotion scented, cuddly wuddly new member.

Not your average grandma

Cutting up celery and carrot sticks and putting them in glass jars of cold water will forever remind me of my grandma.  She always had healthy snacks like this at her house, although we got to have cookies, too.  Two of them, usually Chips Ahoy.  We'd come in after school (she lived across the street from the school) and there would be two cookies on a napkin at the table for each child.  And a Dixie cup with the child's initials on it, maybe filled with Koolaid?  I don't remember.  I do remember that we were given one Dixie cup that was to last us for the entire week.  Think of how small and flimsy Dixie cups are, and imagine what they're like after a week's worth of use.

She might have been a tad thrifty, and I'm guessing that was the reason for the celery and carrots in the jars.  They last longer that way, and I bet she was going to get every penny out of her groceries.  Which is exactly what I'm doing, so I can't really poke fun.

But back to Grandma.  I don't have fond memories of her when I was a child.  She wasn't much fun to be around and didn't make us feel very welcome, but rather more of a nuisance.  I don't understand how someone who had 14 children of her own could have such poor nurturing skills.  There were some small gestures, however.  I do think she enjoyed braiding mine and my sister's hair, and making us banana bread, and crocheting things for us.  But hugs and kisses and thoughtful comments were rare if ever.  It makes you feel weird as a child when a family member, especially a parent or grandparent, seems annoyed or burdened by your presence.

Once I was grown, I got over the bad feelings and was able to enjoy being around Grandma.  I think it was because I knew she didn't have authority over me any more.  I was able to shrug off the childhood memories and even share quite a few laughs with family members who also knew her as their "babysitter."  I also learned of the hardships she experienced throughout her life and came to see her meanness in a different light.  Still, I want my own grandchildren to know a loving, nurturing grandmother.  Because regardless of life experiences, it's never the child's fault.

Tortoise and Hare, update

This is my husband, in 35 degree weather, running 15 miles, at a 7:26 pace, winning third in his age group.  He's pretty awesome.  And it's a good thing he's fast, because we have a 9-mile "Sweetheart Run" on Saturday in which we'll be timed as a couple.  So for every minute that he's helping our "team," I'll be bringing us down and then some.  It'll be the first time I've run in two weeks, and so far this week I've been on the couch for two days with a pretty bad sinus infection. 

Oh, and the temps should be in the upper 20s by Saturday's race time of 7:45 a.m.  Sounds like a good beginning to Valentine's weekend!

Results:   Alan placed 2nd in his age group in both the 5K and the 10K, 5th overall in the men's 10K, and 3rd overall in the men's double (5K plus the 10K).  There were 118 men who ran the 10K.  So like I said, he's pretty awesome.  And kind of annoying.

I crossed the finish the line in both races, so yeah.  I'm a "finisher."  After the 9 miles of death was over, I immediately bent over the railing and someone came up and asked if I was okay.  Um yeah, I'm just LOUSY at this.  Then I went to sit down and started having an asthma attack, but I don't have asthma.  I couldn't breathe, couldn't get air into my lungs, and was starting to panic.  It was fantastic fun.  So although I've said that the experience is fun, this race SUCKED BALLS.

But go Alan!  Heehee...

Preparing for Memphis

The half marathon training is not going particularly well, although there are ups as well as downs.  The 8-mile workout was definitely an "up" followed by a 5K on Saturday that shouldn't have been a "down."  Should have been easy, but the shin splints are worse than I thought.  I knew I would battle aches and/or injuries, and it's sort of stupid to do something you KNOW will bring you pain.  But although the running is not fun, the experience is.

I had a really good time by myself doing the 8-mile, the furthest I've ever gone.  I hate the hills, yet I love the hills because they're more interesting.  I don't like being cold, yet I love the 40 degree temps during a run.  I hate the pain, yet it feels great when everything just goes numb!  And the calories you burn - oh my gosh, that's the best part.

I'll have to come up with a new battle plan I guess, since running 4-5 times a week is not going to be physically possible anymore.  I think I do better running "cold" anyway.

So that's my training update.  I don't plan on talking about running constantly - that's what runners do.  And I'm not a runner.  ;-)

I MIGHT BE TALKING LOUDER THAN NORMAL.

Did you know that when you lose hearing (temporarily) in one of your ears that the other ear becomes the Arnold Schwarzenegger of ears?

I'll be headed to the doctor in a little while to hopefully get my hearing back, and we won't discuss the reason for the hearing loss because ear stuff is just gross to talk about.

But seriously, I am hearing ambient noises I never noticed before.  I can hear the rythym of the clothes dryer on the other side of the house.  And these phantom dings or beeps that make me think I'm getting texts.  And the TV seems louder than normal, although harder to understand.

It seems a little coincidental to me that the first week I start working with my ESL student, a young woman from Venezuela who has a hearing impairment in one ear, that I would experience nearly total hearing loss on one side.  Hmmmm...

But tomorrow I'll be on a plane to Houston (Naomi's baby shower!) and really need everything with my defective ear to be resolved before reaching 30,000 feet.  Ouch.